Carrie is my sister! She is number three in our big family of eight. We are very different; and occasionally have made the joke, "How did we come from the same gene pool?" Carrie is currently going to graduate school at Florida State University to become a director. She is crazy talented and really good at what she does. We may not have the same taste in art (hee hee) but we do both love it. Carrie has to be so brave everyday to go to work and school and be different from everyone else. I know how hard it is to be different and to believe in things that are different. Its really hard not to "fit in" (see my post below). But hopefully, with a little bit of Carson's courage, Carrie can still be true to herself! She directed a religious piece last semester and she's also the only girl in her program. She was amazing the day we found Carson and bravely did CPR because I could not even think. Carrie also gave out Carson's lions to her entire cast this last semester. :-) So hopefully one day I'll have a picture of that. Good luck Carrie! Pass on the courage! Love you!
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Carrie Colton
Carrie is my sister! She is number three in our big family of eight. We are very different; and occasionally have made the joke, "How did we come from the same gene pool?" Carrie is currently going to graduate school at Florida State University to become a director. She is crazy talented and really good at what she does. We may not have the same taste in art (hee hee) but we do both love it. Carrie has to be so brave everyday to go to work and school and be different from everyone else. I know how hard it is to be different and to believe in things that are different. Its really hard not to "fit in" (see my post below). But hopefully, with a little bit of Carson's courage, Carrie can still be true to herself! She directed a religious piece last semester and she's also the only girl in her program. She was amazing the day we found Carson and bravely did CPR because I could not even think. Carrie also gave out Carson's lions to her entire cast this last semester. :-) So hopefully one day I'll have a picture of that. Good luck Carrie! Pass on the courage! Love you!
Sunday, April 19, 2015
The Goodman Girls
Meet Ashley and Faye Goodman. They were some of the young women I worked with when I lived in Mesa, AZ. I work with the girls at my church age 12-18 years old. These two young ladies have seriously grown up since the last time I saw them! They were my neighbors too! (right next door) I used to come in and hang out at their house all the time! They just have a special little place in my heart because they are such awesome teenagers. Can I just tell you how hard it is to be a teenager nowadays?
I also would just like to mention that being in high school seems so important when you are in high school and once you get out you think, "Man, am I glad I don't have to go through that again." I know everyone has different experiences growing up, but I think it is difficult for everyone. You have to be patient with yourself and learn so much, not just from an academic perspective, but from a spirtiual and emotional perspective. You also have to have courage. Courage to be who you are. Courage to stand alone. Courage to be different from everyone. Because, you are different from everyone.
In the end, I sent Faye and Ashley a Carson Lion for courage to grow up and be amazing! It takes courage to be different as a teenager and both of them are so wonderful at it. I hope they remember that I have "great expectations" for them and I know they will rise to the occasion. Sure love you girls. Don't forget to pass on your lions! :-)
I also would just like to mention that being in high school seems so important when you are in high school and once you get out you think, "Man, am I glad I don't have to go through that again." I know everyone has different experiences growing up, but I think it is difficult for everyone. You have to be patient with yourself and learn so much, not just from an academic perspective, but from a spirtiual and emotional perspective. You also have to have courage. Courage to be who you are. Courage to stand alone. Courage to be different from everyone. Because, you are different from everyone.In the end, I sent Faye and Ashley a Carson Lion for courage to grow up and be amazing! It takes courage to be different as a teenager and both of them are so wonderful at it. I hope they remember that I have "great expectations" for them and I know they will rise to the occasion. Sure love you girls. Don't forget to pass on your lions! :-)
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
A big pill to swallow
I sure miss that little guy today. I know I will always miss him and that this entire ordeal cannot be "fixed". It is such a big pill to swallow. Oh how I wish it could be "fixed"! I wish someone could say something that would make it all go away. But I know that going down that "why me?" path is never healthy. It just leads to anger. But there are so many people who have had babies who have had lots of colds and they have never stopped breathing.
I think what I am trying to say is that life is rough. Life is really, really hard and painful. I try not to think about that Christmas Day, but I do. I think about how helpless I felt and how it was the worst.day.EVER. And oh, how hard it was to hold his tiny lifeless body and remember that just 90 minutes before he had been alive and smiling at me. To relive watching everyone try and revive him, and then to hold him in the hospital when I knew he wasn't there anymore...To have to dress his little body, pick out baby caskets and baby burial plots... It was a nightmare I wish on no one. And the hardest part of grieving is feeling alone. It is a very lonely path I walk. How I wish that words would comfort me. Everyone grieves differently and everyone deals with it in a different way. But at my loneliest point I always think of that song:
"He knows your heart
He knows your pain
He knows the strength it took just too simply breathe today
He sees the tears that you cry
He knows your soul is aching to know why
He hears your prayers each humble word
When you said you couldn't face another day he understood
He knows the path that you will find
Though you felt alone he's never left your side
He knew there'd be moments when no earthly words
Could take away your sorrow
And no human eyes could see what you're going through
When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you."
I know many people have reached out to me and said such beautiful, kind words, sent books, articles, jewelry, statues, I have felt so loved. The problem is, that it can't be fixed. Not in this life anyways. And that is sometimes a very large pill to swallow.
I think what I am trying to say is that life is rough. Life is really, really hard and painful. I try not to think about that Christmas Day, but I do. I think about how helpless I felt and how it was the worst.day.EVER. And oh, how hard it was to hold his tiny lifeless body and remember that just 90 minutes before he had been alive and smiling at me. To relive watching everyone try and revive him, and then to hold him in the hospital when I knew he wasn't there anymore...To have to dress his little body, pick out baby caskets and baby burial plots... It was a nightmare I wish on no one. And the hardest part of grieving is feeling alone. It is a very lonely path I walk. How I wish that words would comfort me. Everyone grieves differently and everyone deals with it in a different way. But at my loneliest point I always think of that song:
"He knows your heart
He knows your pain
He knows the strength it took just too simply breathe today
He sees the tears that you cry
He knows your soul is aching to know why
He hears your prayers each humble word
When you said you couldn't face another day he understood
He knows the path that you will find
Though you felt alone he's never left your side
He knew there'd be moments when no earthly words
Could take away your sorrow
And no human eyes could see what you're going through
When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you."
I know many people have reached out to me and said such beautiful, kind words, sent books, articles, jewelry, statues, I have felt so loved. The problem is, that it can't be fixed. Not in this life anyways. And that is sometimes a very large pill to swallow.
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